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It’s easy to be inspired this week watching Olympic athletes as they compete against unbelievable odds, especially if you know the personal sacrifices and struggles they’ve endured. They seem to have persistence and determination that is beyond most of our imaginings. It forced me to think of the ordinary daily inspirations that we all have seen, but may not always notice. Those people in our lives who are just as noteworthy as an Olympian, but rarely get thanks or recognition for the contributions they make. You know the ones: the teacher who stays after school routinely to help failing students; the coach who spends his or her time on weekends training a promising athlete; the EMT who administers life saving measures for a stranger who may never know what happened after he lost consciousness or the parent who sacrifices time and money for their child’s educaton. These people surround us and bless us each day with their greatness…….whether we notice them or not. They continue to silently inspire us, if we are paying attention. This week, try to notice these people in your own life and make a special effort to thank them…..they may not get medals, but they deserve our thanks.
Have you ever been to a party or a family get-together and everybody is talking at the same time? And you feel no one heard you at all? Or you complain your adolescent “just isn’t listening” even though you have said the same thing so many times you feel like a recording? We are often more intent on getting our message out, than we are on listening to others. In any relationship, if a person feels they are being heard and respected, they are more likely to listen. So the next time your adolescent yells back at you, resist the urge to yell louder! Get quiet, ask them about their perspective and you’ll be more likely to create the kind of a relationship in which they will listen to your point of view, because they felt you heard theirs.
Too often, we assume that listening means “giving in” or agreeing with another person’s point of view, when you have a difference of opinion. It doesn’t. Two people can respectfully disagree when they have both respectfully listened to each other. Instead you should ask if the other person felt you heard them accurately, or if there is anything you missed. Then you’ll be getting somewhere……and your angry adolescent may give you a confused look!
“A man who builds his own pedestal had better use strong cement” —Anna Quindlen
So what is your style of communication? The next few blogs will, hopefully, provoke some thought about communication styles in the hopes of getting some communication started…..with YOU, the reader of these musings. Tell me your thoughts, funny stories, experiences, if you like, in the hopes we can both laugh and we may just get some real communication started. Thanks. I look forward to listening!
Authors have a way with words, don’t they? I think Ms. Quindlen knows some of the same people I do. I would add that people who talk from pedestals usually are the last to know it. You may be a “pedestal speaker” if:
1. You think “people just don’t listen” or “they won’t let me finish.”
2. You usually have the best ideas.
3. You are the only one talking.
4. Everyone else has walked away and you are still talking.
